I have been considering what it takes to manifest more of what I want into my life. This led me to question: am I worthy of what I want? And how does one determine self-worth or self-value anyway? The whole endeavor sounds like a big ego trip.
It’s not.
Three types of people will read this post; those with 1. healthy self-worth, 2. low self-worth and 3. inflated self-worth. Individuals with low and inflated self-worth are both egotistical; it’s just different sides of the same coin (sorry to be the bearer of bad news). Low self-worth often exhibits as not manifesting what we desire. Conversely, inflated self-worth exhibits with manifesting more easily but likely with an inability to either keep or enjoy it (ex: a house but not a home, marriage with no love, the dream job that arrived and then vanished, etc).
While connected, self-worth is not self-esteem. I liken self-esteem to confidence (my ability to perform, my giving energy). For example: I am confident that I am smart, capable, and hard working; therefore I have self-esteem in my work. Or I am confident in my wittiness and ability to articulate, so I have high self-esteem around how I communicate. By contrast, self-worth is an appraisal of my holistic value (what I believe I am worthy of receiving). What I receive can come in many forms by way of physicality (the partner I desire, a new home, fancy gold jewelry, a new car, or watch) or by way of energy (money, love, respect, position, admiration).
Determining our own value, without over or under inflating ourselves, begins with an understanding of WHAT we value. Figuring this out, iterating through what really matters to us in life (what is of value), can take many years. This journey isn’t simple: it’s called life. It is often riddled with experiences that cause us pain and reflect what we don’t want and don’t value, as a means of showing us what and who is in alignment with what we do.
I developed this exercise to explore my inner truisms and get myself in touch with my own self-worth; I am sharing this information with the intention that it can be of benefit to others desiring to manifest in their own lives.
Self-Worth Exercise
Step # 1: Ask yourself what you value in other people.
For instance, I personally value people who exhibit honesty, integrity, altruism, and taking responsibility for their circumstance (not victims). I value many other qualities, but for the sake of this exercise I am keeping it abridged. Keep in mind that this is an exercise of self, so what you value will be completely unique to you and there is no right or wrong. Also, what we value can change (this list looked different 10 years ago) and that is okay.
Step # 2: Go through what you wrote in step 1 and ask yourself which of these qualities you possess in yourself.
Step # 3: Recognize that what you value in others yet you don’t possess within yourself is an area of self-improvement that can help you to upgrade your self-worth.
Once I was clear on what it is I value in other people, I asked myself if I possess these same qualities. Where the answer was ‘no,’ I knew I had an area of self-improvement that would help me upgrade my self-worth.
Step # 4: Work on yourself (remove the bread of shame).
Here comes the hard work. Developing a quality in ourselves that we don’t yet possess is hard work; it is an earning process. For instance, if I value honesty yet I am a person who is often dishonest, then I may have a long road to walk before I have successfully cultivated the quality of honesty within myself. But consider how my self-worth will skyrocket once I do? It can take years to embody what we value, but the effort pays dividends.
“If you want the soul mate, be the soul mate.”
The effort of changing myself to operate in alignment with my internal value system is an earning process called removing bread of shame. Bread of shame is the shame one feels when they receive that which they have not earned. By removing this shame, we develop the wherewithal to appreciate, correctly manage, and keep the things and energy we manifest. When I say keep, consider someone receiving something that they didn’t earn, like a large inheritance. They usually don’t appreciate it or they don’t have the ability to manage the amount of energy inherent, so it is squandered or results in some other form of chaos. This is why over 90% of lottery winners lose their money in short order. They didn’t earn that amount of energy and don’t know how to handle it, so it leaves them. It is for this reason the Law of Attraction and The Secret don’t actually work for 99% of the people who have tried the system. Manifesting something without earning it (without becoming a vessel to contain it) means the flow is coming into a cracked vessel, and like water into a cracked glass, it can’t remain / must slip out.
Step # 5: realize you’re worth it.
If you’ve expended the energy of removing bread of shame, check in with yourself. This may seem like an obvious step, but sometimes we get so caught up in the work of step #4, we forget to check in to see what’s already been accomplished. At this stage, go back and repeat step # 3 –do you better match what you value? If you find no misalignment (or less of it), it means you’ve done a lot of hard work! Give yourself permission to be proud of yourself; allow your self-worth to go up therewith!
Step # 6: act like you’re worth it.
Knowing you’re valuable and acting like you are valuable are two different things. Sometimes we know something but it hasn’t become us. By taking actions in alignment with what we know to be true, we can embody that truth. Understanding energy is difficult, so I want to liken what I am saying to something tangible that can be more easily understood.
Suppose you built an opulent mansion from the ground up. It took many years and a lot of time, money, and effort. This mansion has many rooms and bathrooms, sweeping views, top of the line everything inside of it, a library, Viking appliances, and all the the best furnishings, and best fixtures to be found. You traveled the world to gather special treasures for each room in this home. You consulted with the most knowledgeable and influential experts you could find, all to make sure the house is laid out and contains all the best it possibly can. You endeavor a ton of maintenance on this mansion. This is one of the most unique, exquisite and thoughtful homes in the entire world and you know it for sure. Now, when it comes to renting out the mansion, would you let someone stay in it for $100 a night? Could you conceive of allowing someone to enjoy the home for next to nothing? Would you give away such an experience without regard for the inherent value of the home you worked so hard to create? Probably not. But this is what many people do every day.
Acting like you’re worth it means, like this fabulous mansion, you know the worth of your fabulous vessel. You know how precious you are. You have regard for what is contained inside of yourself and you protect it fiercely. You know how hard you worked in step # 4 (in working on yourself). How hard it was to become what you value. You know how valuable your time is. You know your self-worth. You know that people need to earn (or pay) for the opportunity to bask in your energy. You don’t give any part of yourself away for free. When you truly value yourself, you recognize that it’s better to keep your house empty than to rent it for less than its worth, lest someone cause it any damage. You recognize that doing nothing is better than occupying your time with giving energy where it doesn’t belong or where you receive nothing in return. You feel no need to coerce your mansion upon anyone, even if they have the resources to rent it from you. You know that when someone doesn’t want to experience the beneficence of your mansion, you move on and find someone else who does. Someone who can appreciate it as much as you do!
When you truly value yourself, you do not offer energy where there’s no continuity or no circuitry (an equal measure of give and take). People often give where there is no continuity, thinking they are being altruistic. This is not giving at all. True altruism is giving to or helping someone who has done everything they can to also help themselves (their vessel is without cracks, so they can appreciate, handle and use the energy they receive to create positive change for themselves or others). Giving to a broken vessel is not giving; it’s a squandering of the giver’s energy and a diminution of self-worth. After all, there is always someone else who can make proper use of the gift on offer. Learning where and when to give is an art, but it begins with knowing your own value.
Step # 7: Manifestation
If you have worked hard on yourself and removed your bread of shame (step 4), have realized you’re worth it (step 5) and act in alignment to your worth by responsibly managing the energy you’ve already received (step 6), you’ll be at the correct vibration to receive (and manifest) more of what you desire. Now just allow it in 🙂
And remember: only that which we appreciate can appreciate.
