Is there a technology of love? What is love?

Simply put, I feel love is the way we share and receive with the people we care most deeply about. Interestingly, technology too deals with the way we share and receive (information specifically) amongst people.  So has technology changed our expression of love?  Is there a technology of love? Absolutely!

Technology of Love: The Five (5) Love Languages

 # 1. Quality Time: focused attention on the person, not the activity.

• In the Past: we did one activity at a time. While we humans are capable of multi-tasking, in the past there wasn’t all that much to multi-task.
• Today: email, fax, phone, television and people incessantly bombard our senses –often all at once.

What it should look like: Give the person you love focused attention.  Whether you’re physically present with them or speaking with them via the phone, Skype or FaceTime, be attentively ‘present;’ it’s a simple, loving way to show someone them they’re a priority. 

# 2. Acts of Service: “I am being taken care of.”

• In the Past: traditional gender roles meant that women remained at home to take care of the children while men went to work to bring home the cash.
• Today: gender roles have changed. Statistically, women now do it all. But just because the man isn’t the sole breadwinner, doesn’t mean love shouldn’t be expressed through acts of service!

What it should look like: choose a repetitive home chore, master it, perform it, and own it.  It doesn’t have to be taking out the trash (although that’s nice too); there are many ‘e-chores,’ like, for example, paying e-bills. Acts of service show a woman that you are working to earn her love!  For ladies, a great e-chore is taking care of dinner; for example, if you know you’re running late at work, order dinner using a service like Seamless, so a hot dinner is ready for your love when he gets home.

# 3. Gifts: an object as the conduit to expressing love.

• In the Past: gifts have traditionally come in all shapes and sizes –jewelry, homes, chocolates, cars and flowers, to name a few.
• Today: gifts can manifest in both physical and electronic form.

What it should look like: send the one you love the e-book they’ve been wanting to read; it’s no less thoughtful than a physical book. Or if you can’t get to 1-800-Flowers to order them a real bouquet, then while enroute to your next meeting, snap a vibrant, colorful image of flowers using your iPhone and send a picture text with a loving note –it shows you’re thinking of them.  It’s not about the price or what you are spending; it’s about the continuity – flowers, trinkets, and gestures.  Gifts are an investment into love –big or small.

# 4. Loving Words: they way we communicate our love.

• In the Past: communication was in person or through a letter.
• Today: there are many ways we use technology to communicate.

What it should look like: take a moment to tell the person you love how you feel about them.  If you can’t do it in person, pick up the phone, Skype, text, fax, email, video message or blast your feelings out using social media.  Personally, I love to receive a voice note with an endearing message –it’s just the sweetest!  Remember, the words you use are important; never underestimate the power of verbal affirmation! Examples of what to say to a man: I trust you, I believe in you, I support you, you’re doing a good job. Examples for a woman: you mean so much to me, you can do it, you’ll be great at it. Remember: it’s not about you; loving words are for the person you love. Make sure they’ll feel good.

# 5. Physical Touch: Physical affection, touch and sex.

• In the Past: you couldn’t have a physical relationship with another person without physical proximity.
• Today: technology allows for all sorts of virtual and/or long-distance relationships but you still can’t have a physical relationship without physical proximity.

What it should look like: get in front of the person you love, look them in the eyes, give them a big squeeze and a kiss. It ‘speaks’ so much.

Editor’s note on technology of love: Are you wondering how to discern your or another person’s language style? Clues are what your partner does or doesn’t do that hurts you the most deeply. Where do you feel a lack or are asking for more energy? Usually whatever your partner is complaining about is a key to their love language. They are trying to tell you how they like to receive love. Also, in what ways do you regularly express your love? If you share energy with your partner in a certain way, that’s usually a key to how you’d like to receive energy in return.